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On disappointment

'I am not averse to disappointment. It has its own special pleasures. Disappointment is the hidden agenda within fantasy, a nugget for the aficionado who might trick up the bland negativity of the word by sliding alphabetically towards disjunction and disparity. If you could have what you dream about, if I could have Antarctica all white and solitary and boundless, there would finally be no excuse. Imagine, you are exactly where you want to be — and now what? Yes white, yes solitary, yes boundless, but will it, in its icy, empty, immense reality, do? In my head, it does fine, why seek out the final disappointment which the earlier, smaller disappointment only seeks to prevent? The point of desire is desire itself, the essential pleasure in expectation is expectation. The idea that gratification is a completion of the wish is fallacious. It is only our dim literal-mindedness that makes us believe that we should try to achieve what we wish for. Disappointment stands between the two like a guardian angel. The fissure between what I want and what I can have is my friend, my best friend in all likelihood, and I know it. Disappointment is a safety net, to be relished in a secret knowing way by the disappointed.'
Jenny Diski, Skating to Antarctica
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I love this. It is so true, and sadly it is something I have had to learn painfully. I have added it to my memories.
I don't think it's necessarily a painful thing but thinking about it I'm sure you're right that the learning is painful. This is one of my favourite bits of writing. I'd never really thought about it that way but damn! it's right.

on disappointment

you haven't updated in days! it's breaking my heart!

Re: on disappointment

Life is just a bit busy at the moment. I'll be back. Maybe even this evening. xxxooxxox